Learning to Burn Bright

On becoming anything but an imposter and "remembering" our self.

A great challenge in this life is figuring out who we are - who do you want to be when you grow up?

Our society - the social dream we are all woven into - provides us with pre-approved paths we can walk. Various respectable jobs and life purposes, from lawyers to doctors to religious clergy to homemakers, are offered to us to choose from.

In fact, the mere existence of a way of living provides us a map for achieving it for ourselves. I am a musician, so I look to the musicians before me for role models. I look to the ways that they have “made it work”.

There comes a moment, no matter what path we find ourselves walking on, where we find ourselves standing at the precipice of the unknown. This is a terrifying place to stand.

Our society works hard to protect many of us from needing to experience the unknown. From schools to entry-level jobs to careers to retirement plans, we are offered paths that keep us firmly rooted in the “known”. That is a bribe that we are offered and many of us accept - we give our who are you going to be when you grow up to governments, corporations, jobs, and The Economy in exchange for a life firmly planted in the known.

I have long had the sense, however, that death is the ultimate unknown, and that if we postpone our first foray into the unknown ‘til our deathbed, then death will be a terrifying ordeal. For we “come of age” when we go brave enough to step into the unknown - we live in a society that does not have truly natural coming-of-age ceremonies (even if they exist by name), in part because our society functions best when we are afraid of the unknown and cling to the known that is offered us.

We become “adults”, we “come of age”, when we witness our power to step into the unknown. We begin the journey of self-actualization when we take those first steps into the larger world, into the world that has not been prescribed to us by larger social forces.

To step into the unknown, we must learn to harness the fire inside of our bellies. Just as the Sun burns, giving light to the solar system, giving us the Earth and all life upon it, the fire in our belly shines out from us. To step into the unknown, to walk our own path, we must learn to not only fuel this fire within us, but to get our spiritual sustenance from it.

This realm of feeding our own flames is unknown to many of us - society, in general, does not teach this ability to most of us. For how can we step off these known paths if we do not know how to provide sustenance to ourselves.

In fact, society offers this sustenance to anyone willing to walk closely and religiously along the pre-determined paths. A doctor can simply state that they are a doctor and the world around them will pile sustenance and admiration upon them - “you really are a good person!”, “So smart too!” This is not to disparage doctors and medical professionals - the same point can be made for scientists, lawyers, social workers, teachers, and so on and so forth.

This is why so many of us feel like imposters. Our friends and family and the world will celebrate our graduation from school or our promotion, but nothing of our true selves is reflected in our accomplishment. When I graduated from college, I was depressed, beaten down, and disconnected from my own self - yet, all I was offered was praise and congratulations. I became an imposter in the life that society was feeding on my behalf.

This is not to say that walking these known paths cannot be rewarding. They are rewarding when you commit yourself to them, when you walk that path fully and you let those around you feed the fire within you. There is a rich life to be had by walking the known paths society has to offer! In fact, this is how tradition and culture ought to function… to an extent.

When we become an imposter, walking a known path but not allowing ourselves to accept that this is who I will be when I grow up - this is when the fire within us begins to flicker and dim. We become zombies and ghosts. If we are to walk the pre-defined paths, if we are to stay away from the unknown, it is perhaps better to enjoy the ride and all joys that it has to offer.

But, once we recognize that we have become imposters, that is when we must “come of age” - we must step out into the unknown and walk our own path. It is either now or when we find ourselves on our deathbed - that is the choice that we have.

So, the great challenge we face is learning to stoke and feed the fire within ourselves. I know that for much of my teenage years and twenties, I sought validation from outside. I wanted to hear that I was doing a good job, I wanted to be told that what I was doing was beautiful, I wanted someone else to feed the flames within me. I certainly still struggle with this on many days.

At times, I would give all my energy to fanning these flames, working myself into a manic frenzy, scorching the very Earth around me - at other times, I would find that the pilot light had blown out and I couldn’t find a match to re-light it. Learning to manage the fire in our belly is a difficult task - learning to manage our energy so that we may live with great intention is a very difficult task.

In order to step into the unknown, we must become adept at managing and tending to the fire in our belly. We cannot let it dim and we cannot let it grow too bright - much like how Daedalus warned Icarus of flying too close or too far from the Sun, we must learn to find the right balance within ourselves.

When we are able to feed and care for the fire within ourselves, we are able to “remember” who we are. We become the antithesis of an imposter. We become ourselves and we become grounded in our “remembering” of who we are and who we want to be when we grow up.

When we “remember” ourselves, then we become known. When we “remember” ourselves, our own self becomes a safe haven - we become a great ship, The Argo, capable of navigating unknown waters. When we “remember” ourselves, we become oriented to the cardinal directions, we cannot get truly lost in the wilderness.

When we “remember” ourselves, we can walk through the world with confidence - even when the path before us is full of uncertainties. The fire in our belly becomes a beacon, so that we never truly find ourselves walking in the dark.

When we learn to manage this fire within ourselves, when we “come of age”, then we are able to answer who am I going to be when I grow up simply by walking the path that our fire illuminates before us. We become anything but an imposter. We become ourselves and we are able to do so with intention.